In 1948 Elsie Widdowson, a medical researcher, was monitoring the nutrition of children following WWII. The children she was studying came from two group homes. All of the children had suffered from poor nutrition during the war and so all of them suffered from low heights and weights. Widdowson wanted to see what would happen if the rations were improved slightly. Would the orphans catch up with the standard heights and weights of well-fed children? The first group home Beinhaus was given extra bread, jam and orange juice for six months while the other home, Vogelnest, stayed the same acting as a comparison. To the astonishment of the researchers, the children at Vogelnest, the home not receiving the extra food, actually grew faster and better than the children at Beinhaus who were getting the extra food. During the next six months Widdowson reversed the conditions, giving the extra food to Vogelnest and reducing the extra rations to Beinhaus. To their astonishment, the researchers noted that this time the children in Beinhaus were growing more quickly despite the reduction in food.
Something was going on but what? This was exactly the opposite of what you would expect to find. Obviously there was another story. And the story was Fraulein Schwarz and Fraulien Grun. Schwarz was a stern and forbidding woman who disciplined harshly and was not generous with her love. Grun on the other hand was a warm and caring person who made the best of bad circumstances and loved all the children unconditionally. By a very strange coincidence, Fraulein Schwarz had managed to arrive, in each case, just as the increased rations began and Fraulein Grun arrived in the homes as they were reduced. Moreover, Fraulein Schwarz had a few favorites who she showed compete devotion to and they despite the food grew normally. In studies that have been repeated over and over again, it is love, that most intangible force in human life that made the difference. Regardless of how much food the children received, those who had more care and love, grew faster and better. (From “The Tending Instinct” by Shelly Taylor, 2002)
Now this is not to say that we should deny children enough to eat but “Man does not live by bread alone.” And with that bread must come the roses of love in the wintertime. Caring. That act of concern and love for another is as vital of our existence as bread and water. And not just for human beings. Countless studies have been done showing that animals will respond better to touch and care in their recovery than not. This is reciprocated. I will often counsel taking on a pet to abate loneliness. Pets love you unconditionally and have the added advantage of not talking back! Dogs especially admire you just as you are. What is the wisdom? Be the person your dog thinks you are.
Doctors now widely recognize that pastoral care is vital to a swift recovery. Part of the reason that hospitals want us home so fast is that, in most cases, we are surrounded by the ones we love. We all recognize that caring for another is a good thing, a noble endeavor but just how do we do it when our own lives are such a mess? How do we love people who we don’t even like? How do we find the time?
I would like to answer the how first with a why. Why do we care? The answer is both profoundly human and immensely spiritual. First to the human. We care because we are wired to care. Hormonally, more so for women than men, we are actually chemically predisposed to look after those closest to us. The release of seratonon, is enhanced when those nearest to our circle of concern that are in need of love. And not necessarily just our blood kin. Studies have shown that the “tending instinct” as psychologist Shelly Taylor puts it, is real and useful. My friends, the fact of the matter is that our world cares more for one another than the newspapers would have us believe. Children are raised and go to school, businesses function often with humor among co-workers. Governments provide services and law and order continues to rule our lives. Yes, there are HUGE gaps in this system of care. Tremendous abuses go on all the time. But for the most part, even in the poorest countries, caring for one another is the norm, not the exception. We are by nature social animals, observed Aristotle, 2500 years ago, and by nature we look out for one another.
But the theology of caring for one another is even more pronounced. A theology is a system of belief in greater meaning. And if Unitarians can be said to have any common theology at all it would reside in how we treat one another. While we have no doctrines you must believe as a Unitarian Universalist, we do place a tremendous value in being a part of a congregation. The communal nature of who we are defines our way of religion. It is not enough to say I am a UU and not be an active part in a church in my opinion. The fact that we “do” religion, that we accept each other as on a spiritual path of our own design while supporting those journeys in common, makes coming to a congregation vital to our faith.
And by coming we must care for each other. This is why our candles of Joy and Sorrow are such a vital part of our liturgy. They are confessional and communal instruments of caring. They are the most obvious ritual in support of caring community. But we care not only about the struggles and tribulations of our lives but care to hear another and respond with kindness even if we don’t agree. It was the great founder of Unitarianism in 1567, Francis David who said “We do not have to think alike to love alike.” If we believe that this moment is the most precious moment we have and if we believe that we are the meaning makers of our own lives, then if follows that we must care for those around us who help to give this moment is meaning. Each other. Caring for one another in your family or in this congregation is not just some sentimental nicety, it is a fact of faith. There isn’t a UU congregation in the world that doesn’t have a caring circle or group responsible for caring.
But of course it is easier to love humanity in the abstract than to love real live human beings. It is a daily challenge to care for someone who tells you to your face that you aren’t doing your job. The how of our theology of caring is the real stuff of my message this morning.
I begin to answer this by extending Francis David’s injunction farther. It was my teacher Ed Harris, a veteran of 40 years in the ministry who gave me some of the best advice I have ever received. “John” he said “they don’t have to like you for you to be their minister.” At the time it seemed impossible to imagine caring and ministering to someone who didn’t like me; anxious as I was to be liked. Now I understand what he meant. We can care for each other, even if we don’t agree. I remind couples who are getting married that courtesy can go a long way when times are tough. Even when you think you can’t stand one another you can still be polite. And while some of us might say that such politeness is put on and fake, I would say, it allows for reconciliation and healing to occur. Sometimes you just have to fake it to make it. And courtesy and civility are a great way to start.
As spiritual people in search of greater meaning in our lives we are called to be responsible to ourselves, our families, our communities and our congregation. We do this both practically and ritually. Ritually in such actions as the child dedication we just did, the lighting of the candles or signing the membership book, making ourselves formal members of the congregation. But caring also involves a stewardship to each other and to this community. Our Stewardship Chair, Jack Raymond, has graciously shown us that being apart of any community involves giving with a generous and prayerful heart. We give to our families and our communities in three ways as caring people.
The first is time. You can’t care for another by proxy. Caring is a contact sport. It requires that you are there for your children. It requires that you teach when called to teach. Make coffee when asked to make coffee. To visit a friend in need even if they depress you to tears! I have said this many times before, in serving others we serve ourselves. Spiritual growth is not a consumer activity, it requires doing. Meaning comes most often in service to others. Plain and simple.
Secondly, caring requires talent. If you have a gift – and all of us do – you need to put that talent to work. An example. We all love music in our worship service and thanks to our great music committee we have some great musicians that share in their talent. But you know what? That isn’t enough. I can’t carry a tune but I listen. And I know some of you can. In fact, I know some of you have sung in choirs before. So the time has come to step up to the bar. Jeff Wilson, our choir director and Chris Copely our music chair want to hear from you. My goal is to see 12 – a holy number – 12 people in this choir each week. Time’s up. NO more hiding out. Get on board!
Finally, caring requires our treasure. Now some religions tell you that you have to give so much to get in. WE don’t, we believe that this place is here for everyone who needs to be here. The church isn’t for sale, it’s for belonging. Part of belonging is helping to carry the mission forward with your money. Whether you are a member or not, if you come we invite you to give. How much? That is up to you. Three or four percent of your income is one rule. Some can only give a dollar a week others could give a hundred dollars a week. But this community can’t exist and extends its care without your stewardship. The very word stewardship means to care for. I am asking you all to care for this congregation with your money, your pledges – what you pledge to pay from now to June of 2003. If you have made a pledge, we are asking you to consider raising it. I will be raising my pledge by $500. I will also raise my building pledge by $500. I do this not just for what I get out of this congregation but because I care what this place means to Frederick, those in need and the generations that will follow us here.
Caring ultimately leads to meaning. We can study and practice meditation until the Brahmin bulls come home, but if we aren’t putting our journey and principles into motion, it is only fluff. Gladly, I proudly serve this congregation that cares so deeply for one another. I am constantly heartened by stories, small ministries of love, in which some one calls another to apologize, someone brings soup, someone lends another money, someone sang another to sleep. All of this happened in the last seven days and those are only the reports I hear about. The powerful story behind the story of our collective fear in this sniper is how we are reminded of each other’s responsibility. Montgomery Police Chief Charles Moose, who I know personally, showed such responsibility, when he said, “Parents you have a job to do. We will find this man. But you need to go home, turn off the T.V. and talk to your kids. Tell them they are safe at home and that you love them.”
Caring is a form of hospitality. In some ways, our coffee makers are theologians in practice, caring for the whole that we are. But caring and hospitality go deeper than that. The Biblical Abraham kept his tent open in all four directions to greet any passerby. I insist that all the doors of this building remain open as well. You can sit where you want, come and go as you please, the choice is yours. Caring implies self-responsibility. I leave it up to you to call me when you need to, it is not polite to assume you want me to call you. But it is hospitable to call if you need to and to be open to those who are asking for help. “Thou shalt love the stranger” seems so foreign to us in modern times. But who amongst us hasn’t been a stranger. Even now as we are known, who amongst us doesn’t feel alone, forgotten, hungry and broken.
If we don’t care who will? If not now when? Aren’t we all strangers in some way. I close with these lines from Ann Ness, a woman who was abandoned as a child and who, despite terrible odds, managed to find friends, make a family and join a church. She wrote this just before she died:
“Care flows naturally when the self is widened…without any moral pressure to do it. With enough awareness of our connection to each other, we have no choice but to care. It is our fate.”
May our fate be realized as we grow forward into life. Amen.